If I get pregnant, will I have friends again?

Coffee is better in groups.

According to Facebook I have 183 friends.

In real life, I have a handful of "former colleagues" that were my friends when I lived in that town, 3 "phone friends" that I'd love to see in person more but, again, don't live anywhere near, 1 best friend that I do absolutely every thing with (my spouse) and a handful of people I've met since moving to Washington that I want to be friends with but haven't figured out how yet.

Basically I'm left feeling like I have no friends. It's mostly my fault, I suppose — I work a horrible schedule that has me in the office during the evenings, when most adult people socialize and make friends. Also, I've never been good at making friends, so I tend to hold on dearly to the ones I have. In our global, digital age, that's gotten easier since I stay in touch with you all on Facebook (because, let's face it, if you're reading this, you're likely one of my friends).

So once a week, I know I'll get a call from K., or a text message from E., or have a Facebook chat with T. And that sustains me. But my day-to-day friendship requirements of someone to talk to about what I'm going through, bitch about my day with or get a cup of coffee are filled by my husband. Or my mom, who doesn't live here but does a verbal cup of coffee very well.

Now, I married my husband because he's my best friend — and was my friend long before he was my man. He is my favorite company, but the man cannot relate to a conversation about menstrual cycles. Or gynecological visits. Or whatever he did that day to irritate me that isn't actually a big deal, but I still feel like talking about it, just not to him. He does his damnedest, I'll give him credit for that, but dang it if I don't feel like sitting down face to face with another woman and talking about something. Anything.


It's weird for me because I've never gotten along with women very well, particularly ones my own age. Most of my closest friends are several years older than me, and I like it that way. And regardless of age, I find most women will easily dissolve into a pack of giggles like a 15-year-old girl under the right circumstances.


But I have high hopes that getting pregnant will seriously open up my circle of friends. Why? Because women love to talk about pregnancy and babies. Every pregnant woman I've ever been around is happy to gush about what is going on in her body. Likewise, every mother I've told that I'm trying to get pregnant has gushed about what happened to her body. Fantastic, women-only conversations have ensued.

So yes, I want to have a baby because I want to have a baby. But I also want to wear a T-shirt that says, "Trying to conceive" or, once I have, one with a big arrow that says, "Preggo. Please advice." in hopes that women will flock to me and my circle of friends will expand greater than my belly.

And then there's mommy groups! And play dates! And daycare! And all manner of activities that I can join in with my young spawn. Because right now, most of the women I want to befriend have children, and I love holding babies, but I always feel like the outcast in a group of mothers. They are talking about burping and potty training and how their kid stuck their toothbrush in the toilet, and I'm just sipping my coffee, expecting to expect, and still not making any friends.

So yes, the evil truth is out. I hope my child will expand my social life. And once it does, I'll be able to leave it at home with its father.

Sorry, honey, I'm going out. With my friends.