My Little Fight Against Gender Norms

I have a nearly 5 year old boy.

The Mane Six.

Among the things he loves right now are Batman, Teen Titans Go, Hot Wheels, making inventions and race tracks out of cardboard boxes, art and crafting, jelly fish, sharks.

And My Little Pony.

Also, painting his nails.

And yesterday he told me he wants to grow his hair out so he can wear a hair tie, because "hair ties are cool."

As of yet, my son has displayed no issues with being a boy. He seems to like his doodle fine, and enjoys tugging on it and giggling during bathtime. He loves to pee standing up, and swirls his hips around while he does so. He hasn't shown an interest in dresses or skirts or ribbons. He just has an intense fondness for ponies and unicorns and the magic of friendship. And glitter.

By all accounts, there's nothing wrong with this.

But, we do occasionally get a side-eye.

Like when I bought him a blue Rainbow Dash snow hat, with a rainbow mohawk, at Christmas. And my mom said, "Are you serious?"

Or when another mom at Walmart steered her son away from the pony display, chastising him that "those are girl toys." My son was arm-deep in the display, searching for Twilight Sparkle.

He's a young boy and he loves what he loves, and as an enlightened feminist I am OK with that.

As the victim of bullying and a concerned parent, I worry.

I worry about the day that a boy from a less-enlightened family teases him at school. Or the day a teacher or friendly adult calls him a girl based on his T-shirt. I worry that I am making life harder for him some day by letting him express his interests; that I should be less indulgent, steer him more toward super heroes and construction sets. He wants a My Little Pony birthday party. I hope the other parents will come and not think too much of it.

My son loves My Little Pony, and dammit, society has some catching up to do.

I love the campaigns encouraging little girls to love science, dinosaurs, STEM activities, and space. I wish I'd had leggings with rocket ships on them when I was a kiddo. I wish I'd been taught I didn't need to be afraid of math. It is important to teach girls and demonstrate to them that they can be whatever they want to be. That no doors are closed to them. They can be rock stars and researchers and presidents and astronauts.

They can be smart and strong and powerful.

But if we do not have a complementary societal movement that teaches little boys that it's OK for them to be compassionate and nurturing and soft, we are doing our society a huge disservice.

We are telling little girls more and more that it's OK to be more masculine; but we are not spending an equal amount of time telling little boys it's OK to be more feminine.

There is still an underlying prejudice and judgement that boys who love ponies and sparkles are gay, or trans, or weird. Or their parents are. And that's not OK.

I want my little boy to love ponies and friendship and love. He loves My Little Pony because he loves adventure and bad guys: He loves the darkness of Princess Luna, and that she turns out nice. He loves the Shadow Bolts. He loves Rainbow Dash's attitude. He loves Twilight Sparkle's magic and problem solving.

As parents -- as human beings -- we all have to fight against the desire to judge and project gender norms on our children. Pink and purple are just colors with no inherent values. They just are. Ponies are ponies. Just like I want my son to be able to buy Justice League shirts that include Wonder Woman (and many do now, thanks to her blockbuster), I want him to be able to buy My Little Pony stuff in the boy's section. I want the lines to come down. He shouldn't have to identify as a "Brony," (A "bro" who likes My Little Pony), as if he is somehow aberrant.

And so my son has glittery My Little Pony decals on his bedroom wall, and we just got him a bracelet-making kit that's stored away until Valentine's Day. He has pink footie jammies with Pinkie Pie on them, and a blue Rainbow Dash jammies with a frilly collar (cause they are "girl" jammies) that boast, "Adventure is Calling, and I must go!"

That's a strong message, whatever your gender.