The Only Jesus They'll Ever See

I've been wrestling a lot lately with different aspects of my faith. In a lot of ways, I've been pretty clearly hearing God telling me to step up.

Step up and be more loving.

Step up with forgiveness.

Step up and show grace.

Be the only Jesus someone might ever meet.

If you've met me, and my representation of Him is the biggest view you ever get of Jesus, then I owe you an apology.

If you know me, you probably think Jesus is selfish. Self-centered. Bitter. A little vindictive. And swears a lot.

But that's not the Jesus part of me. That's the me-of-me. The Jesus part calls me to give back. To be last. To love more. (To swear less).

I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. My actions. My relationships. How I treat people. I try to be open and real in this space about my hurts and my faith. I want you to know that Jesus can change people, no matter what their circumstances are. He's changing me.

It is OK for me to hurt. The Jesus in me tells me it's not OK for me to use my pain as an excuse to hurt others.

It is OK for me to feel unloving, or unloveable. But the Jesus in me teaches me that it is only through acts of love that I'm able to move past that. And I need the security of knowing He loves me anyway to have the strength to extend love to others.

It is OK for me to struggle with forgiveness. The Jesus in me knows that it's more about my own guilt and shame over my actions than it is about whatever hurt I'm harboring resentment about.

I'm trying to be a better representative for Jesus. I hope that people see my life and see someone real, someone who struggles, someone who hurts. Someone who is still trying, anyway, to do the right thing.

To love more.

To forgive more.

To extend grace.

To be someone who is worthy of love, forgiveness and grace herself.