I will probably never know for sure, but I am likely the first person to have an emotional break and start sobbing in the finance office of a local car dealership.
At least, I am the first person to do that to our salesman, as he is only a month into the job, and I was his first sale.
I'm sorry, man.
It's a long story ... and here it is.
We need to buy TJ a car, and we've been praying for the right option and believing God will open the doors and bring something along. So when we went to the Humane Society open house yesterday (just for something to do), we were surprised to find the car dealer there. We started chatting them up, talking about what we wanted. We agreed to come in the next day (Sunday) and look over some options.
After a long day of driving things, negotiating, looking at prices, negotiating more, switching to a different car, continuing to negotiate (I am really good at car negotiation), we had landed on something of a deal. More money for my trade-in than it was worth, good sale prices, and turning our one gas-guzzler into two, more economical cars.
TJ even took a video of his new car being driven out of the showroom. And I said, a little tentatively, "Don't post that yet ..."
The price tag was looking higher than I had walked in thinking I wanted, and all my logic was reminding me how much money you lose on new cars. But our salesman and his partner had been great. Very low pressure, very willing to talk over every possibility. We decided to go for it.
And then, into finance. We were into hour four at the dealership. Clark had oscillated between being really good and crying that he "loves our white car" (he doesn't) and was heartbroken to lose it.
We signed half the paperwork, and then it hit me: With gap coverage, and extra this, and extra that ... we were walking into nearly $700 in car payments. Plus insurance.
I think I said something like, "Hold on a second ..." and then started crying. The finance guy said, "Let me get the boss..." And then Clark popped up and said, "I need to go potty!" and TJ luckily disappeared from me becoming a hot mess.
So there I am, crying in the finance office of a car dealership, while three men stare at me, and at each other, at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Admittedly, I felt pretty stupid. But I also knew one truth, which I uttered to TJ just before losing my marbles: "I lost my peace."
In the new church we've been going to, they are launching their first church plant. So there have been special offerings and lots of talk of finances. One thing we've been hearing a bit: If you want to know what you value, look at where your money goes.
TJ and I took this leap into Walla Walla because we wanted more out of our finances: Not just more finances. We want to move to a less-debt lifestyle. We want to buy a home, not to buy a home, but to have a place to host things like Bible studies and life groups. We want to have the flexibility for him to pursue the call on his life -- writing, teaching -- without the requirement of a paycheck. We want to be able to hear needs and fill them. We want to be able to hear a special offering for a church plant, and give.
We don't value having brand new cars. We don't value a lifestyle chained to payments. And God is not a God of bondage. That is not in anyway condemning a new car or a car payment, it is saying that every person is different, and in our situation, it was a chain, not freedom.
So for now, we save. We have another month and a half before TJ needs that car. We're still waiting on God and believing that he will provide -- whatever that looks like. Maybe it will be peace to purchase something and take on another (smaller) car payment. Maybe it will be something else. One thing I know, if there are tears involved, it will be of gratitude.
(And really, I'm sorry car salesman. You were wonderful. And to their credit, everybody was super nice, and the dealership manager even came out as we were leaving to make sure we were OK, and then called me later to check on me. So embarrassing, you guys.)
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