The risk of overexposure

I've been thinking a lot about social media lately, how I use it and the role it should have in my life.

This concern is multifaceted. 1) I worry my own postings could come back to bite me, or an off-color, well-meant or whatever thing I say could accidentally go viral. I don't have a strong enough sense of self to stand up to a social media slaughter. Unlike, perhaps, certain huntresses that have been causing me problems lately at work.

2) I worry about how my kid will feel about what is posted about him. If you're not, here's a good article for you. My mom has boxes of photos of me as a kid, some of them are embarrassing. I never have to worry about someone stumbling across one on the Internet.

3) I worry about how interacting on social media harms real-life relationships: Such as taking time away from face-to-face interaction in my marriage and with friends.

Social media is an interesting beast. It allows us to stay connected to so many more people, but I often question the value of those connections. Particularly after reading this article about "ghosting" people from the New York Times. I have ghosted people on Facebook — that is, we were no longer communicating and I unfriended them without saying anything. Some of them have noticed and called me on it. Some of them have not. But ... why? If it weren't for Facebook, these connections with high school friends, former neighbors or coworkers would have naturally died away. If one or the other of us valued the friendship enough, we would have maintained contact via phone calls or other old-fashioned communication.

Instead, we live in a world where every connection is a permanent one. Once a "friend"ship is made on Facebook, it is rarely canceled. And if it is, there is an assumption that the "unfriending" party must dislike the other person, when really, it may just mean that they don't care to allow you to voyeur into their life.

I have 172 friends. That's not a lot. Most of them are family. TJ has 280, 66 of which are mutual with me (family and former academic chums). And even though my Facebook settings are "Friends only," I still produce content that can be made more public. People can share my posts. I can comment on something public that gets shared. I've heard people say unkind things about me after reading a comment on someone's wall. There's a lot of opportunity for exposure.

A lot of risk of overexposure.

At this point, I primarily use Facebook to share photos and details about Clark with family that doesn't live near us. I also sometimes share industry-related information with colleagues. I also have to maintain a page in order to access work accounts.

But I'm beginning to wish I didn't have it at all. Were it not for family who wish to know how we and the kiddo are doing, I might delete it all together.

Do I need to be chronicling my mundane thoughts during the work day? Do I need to share my child's sleep habits each day? Do you want to see one more picture of my cat?

They are thoughts worth considering.

With that, I am doing what I suppose is a risky thing in social media: I'm cutting it back. In the next few weeks, I will be removing connections to people with whom I do not wish to open up all the details of my life. This may include former coworkers and other professional connections, as well as friends from long ago with whom I no longer speak regularly (if at all). Please do not think that I no longer like you as an individual or value you as a former colleague. It simply means that my Facebook is personal, not professional, and I'd like it to be more private. Please connect with me on LinkedIn, which is a professional space, so we can keep in touch on that level. If you want to become email buddies, shoot me a message and I'll happily share it. You can also follow me on Twitter, where I share news about my work.

If you have maintained a connection with me online out of a sense of obligation or fear of unfriending, but no longer wish to be exposed to my day-to-day mundane life, please unfriend me. I will not be offended, and I will not come after you for it. I won't send you hundreds of friend requests and feel rejected. I won't snub you on the street. I will still smile and ask how you are, and genuinely want to know, because I haven't seen your updates.

If you disagree with how I use social media or my decision to scale back, that's you're right to feel that way. It's not an attack on how you use it and it's not against you personally. It's just me, deciding to try something a little differently and see if it matters.