Failings of our fathers

It seems every Father's Day, I hear pastors make comments about how if you had a lousy father, at least you can have a good father in God.

Me and my dad, turning page 1

No one ever says this on Mother's Day.

On Mother's Day, you never hear statements about how some people had terrible mothers, or no-show moms or moms that just didn't seem to care or have time for them. But on Father's Day, these statements run rampant.

Let's be clear. Some of us had lousy parents — dads and moms equally. Moms are not immune from being terrible parents. We hear more news stories about moms going nuts and killing their kids then we do dads. But dads get the blame for absenteeism when the children grow up to be trouble.

"Well, s/he didn't have a father," someone will say. And those simple words explain away all manner of sins.

Why the emphasis on no-show dads? Why do we pause on the day that's supposed to honor them to point out that some of us (most of us?) have dads that fall short?

Because it is through our fathers that we most see God — and that reality means that bad dads can have a damaging impact on their children beyond anything imaginable.

In Christianity, we call God our Father. We get to be Children of God. We are his sons and daughters, adopted under the blood of Christ. He is our creator — who molded us and shaped us, but then makes it personal by saying he is our Father. He guides us and teaches us, helps us grow.

But if your vision of "father" conjures up memories of someone who was never there for you, who hurt you, or maybe just didn't seem to care — how easy it is to accept a vision of a loving Father God with only your best interests at heart?

We're hugely naive if we think Satan doesn't know this. He does — and he does everything in his power to make sure your vision of your earthly father is harmed. He attacks dads — he attacks men — because they are supposed to be leaders. They are supposed to show us how godly lives are lived. We should see the character of our Heavenly Father — compassion, kindness, strength, resilience, fierce love and protection for his children, forgiveness — reflected in our earthly father.

But dads are people just like everyone else, and they fall. They fail. So Father's Day is a painful reminder of where our dads fell short.

But just as we want them to extend grace and forgiveness to us when we fall, let's pause this father's day to extend grace to our earthly father's and remember them for what they have given us.

Today, I am grateful I have a father who rocked me to sleep when I was sick or upset. Who read me stories every night. Who took me to bookstores and taught me to treasure the written word. Who played Barbies with me, and let me play cars with him. Who taught me how to build a model, but didn't get upset if I didn't paint the engine the right color. Who took me on walks. Who listened to me. Who made me pancakes on Saturdays in incomprehensible shapes. Who taught me how to make a pie. Who built me a dollhouse. Took me to Girl Scout dances. Helped me buy my first car. Held me when I was crying. Bought me milkshakes when I needed them. And loved me every day — even when life was hard and I was unloveable.

I'm grateful that through my father I see a vision of God as a comforter, a refuge. A friend and a playmate. A source of joy.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you.