Fall is always my most energizing time of year: The start of a new school year brings new hope and promise. I love school supplies. I love pumpkin spice lattes. I love crisp air and warm sweaters and sometimes having to turn on the heater.
As a new school year approaches and August trudges toward a steamy completion, this year I am unfortunately not looking forward to fall.
This year, fall is just One More Season of Waiting.
And I am so sick of waiting.
This month, our church is encouraging us to spend the rest of the year Doing Hard Things. Initially, I looked at the charitable campaign I'm supposed to be heading up in October as my "Hard Thing." But this Sunday I realized, that's not it. My hard thing is waiting.
At this point, I feel like I've spent the last six years waiting. When TJ and I got to Yakima, I thought we were all done. "Here it is," I thought. "Our 10-year-spot." That place we'd live in For A While, advancing our careers, settling our lives. We bought a house. We had a baby.
Then God brought along Something Else and now here we are in Moscow. "Here it is," I think. "Our 10-year-spot." And I happily settled in to our tiny apartment and waited for TJ to finish life in Ellensburg. And we waited for a job. So we could save and buy a house. And get going on this life God Brought Us Here For.
Of course, now we're a year and half in and no closer to that goal. TJ still lacks any sort of job security or promise of some. We don't know if the job he has now is what God really wants for him, or if He'll bring along another Something Else. Or for that matter, if it will just end one day when we aren't expecing it. We don't know if God even wants us to buy a house here.
This fall is the Waiting Fall. It's months -- who knows, maybe another year? -- of waiting to see God's plan unfold. Knowing there is a Plan is only mildly comforting. It just means that there isn't anything for me to DO in the meantime. Just wait. Be patient. Be faithful. Save the money in case there is a house -- or a Something Else -- in the future.
Trust that the Plan is better than I think it will be.
Trust that He still has my best interests at heart.
Know that it will be a Hard Thing, but that we are built to endure it.
Hey friend, I needed to read this this morning. You're right; sometimes the hardest thing is to do nothing rather than forcing something to happen. It's reminiscent of Abraham. And it sounds so cliche and easy, "Wait. Trust the Lord. He loves you. God is good. He has a plan, and it's good." And I usually have to fight the urge to throat-punch when I hear those phrases. Waiting. Finding "my place". Finding "my person". What if those things don't even exist outside of eternity and the Person of Jesus? What if I can be content and simultaneously longing? And 1 Timothy 6:6-9 kicks my butt. Godliness and contentment.
ReplyDeleteSo anyway. You're not alone in the waiting. I'm here too, fighting to believe and be faithful.